GALAT

I'm back with another shitty post on this shitty blog. Now as usual, the first paragraph will be full of intense self loathing. :D I started this for monetary purposes. But google was like.. Bro.. Write some similar content so that we can place ads. I said.. Back off Google.. I'll write random stuff. From then Me and google have some fierce rivalry between us. So what if google doesn't support ads here, My Mom still Loves me. :P

So whenever I get bored of humans and stuff I open this page and start writing random things.  So as usual I lay on my bed and elevate my legs to 60 degrees, and then put laptop on them, and it will be of no use if what I write doesn't bring a smile on reader's face. So after the grand success of 'What's wrong' in the posts Bhonda and Fugly, with both of the posts having 2 and 3 hits each (:p) , presenting the third one, "GALAT"

Shhoba bole players ko selfie ki padi hai
Sakshi aur Sindhu medal le ke khadi hai
Dipa ne bhi sabko deewana banaya
Shobha Ji ki GALATfehmi kitni badi hai

Idhar neta movie review de raha hai
Udhar Twitter jamke maze le raha hai
Wifi wala waada to khud naa nibhaya
Aur saste 4G ko GALAT keh raha hai

Patthar fekte ho Sena pe humaari
Kaha se hai pakdi ye GALAT beemari
Topo aur goliyo se bhi na dare jo
Tera patthar unpe padega na bhari

Footpath pe bhai ne chala di car
Kaale hiran ka bhi kiya shikaar
Fir bhi khula ghoome super-star
Wah kanoon kya GALAT kiya yaar

46  ke Pappu ko Yuva Soch Rahe hain..
Yuva leader ke liye bal noch rahe hain
Aur jinki hai umar ye karne ki Ghalib..
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Wo yuva humare Pokemon khoj rahe hain..


That's all folks :D

Don't bother to +1/Like/Share.. Google ain't giving me any money :P. Just kidding.. Do it.

Yeh Fugly Fugly Kya Hai

Its said that you've to know your audience. So I decided to be like my audience, and hence I myself did not open the blog for a very long time. Anyways, its got a shitty name :D

But few in India don't want this place to be shut forever and hence do some stupid shit, so that I can write about them :P
They tried very hard but only few made it to the post. Rest Rakhi Sawant, Ramdev Baba, Salman Khan(oops sorry, his driver), and other brilliant minds who think saying "Bharat Mata ki Jai" is a shame, will soon be given limelight.

If I'm not the only one smiling while writing this, man I'm on fire.. Else..  screw you, my mom likes me very much.

So writing the Part 2 of what's wrong, what's bhonda, what's fugly...

Now, obviously you haven't seen part1 so here is the link for the same.  I got familiar with a word भौकाल , and realized that when mixed with hindi, the below content is more भौकालish..
I have also copied rhyme from original song, cuz.. huh.. screw you.. My mom loves me.. :P
I hope you won't like/+1/share as it's against the author's good.

So here it goes..


ये फग्ली फग्ली क्या है
ये फग्ली फग्ली क्या है
ये फग्ली फग्ली क्या है
ये फग्ली फग्ली..

घोड़े को ज़ोर से कूटना
वैट के नाम पे लूटना
पप्पू का भाषण रटना
या JNU की घटना

बिल्डिंग पे चढ़ के चीटिंग
फूफाजी  कालिंग इन  मीटिंग
मोगली की U/A रेटिंग
मस्तीज़ादे से नो हेटिंग

हम सारी बाते जाने
फिर भी हम बात न माने
खुद ही बनते अनजाने, पूछे
फग्ली फग्ली क्या है..

Uber ने 4X ठानी
और ऑटो की मनमानी
ब्लॉग पे हिट्स न आना
और ताहेर शाह का गाना

हर्षा भोगले, हटाया
सिद्धू को बीच में लाया
सिद्धू के मन को भाया
दिमाग नोच के खाया

बिन सोचे बदले डीपी
कहते FB का है ट्रेंड;
यू आर ए परफेक्ट गाय
बट आई लाइक यू एस ए फ्रेंड

हम सारी बाते जाने
फिर भी हम बात न माने
खुद ही बनते अनजाने, पूछे..
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फग्ली फग्ली क्या है.. 


BTW..



 भारत माता की  जय 

Priye!!

Its been a while since I have posted something, and its been too long since someone even opened the blog :D
Anyways, when you get bored in the train and there are annoying kids around, all you can do is plug the earphones in, and ignore the world. But what if the annoying kids shout very much and even take your earphones?

I went to the upper berth and thought of a random stuff and wrote something. Sharing the same with you.. Please ignore this one as well like the others. Don't even bother to +1 or like, you don't, anyways.. :D

Priye..

Mai kora kaagaz dustbin ka
Tum samsung galaxy ka note priye

Mai bihar chunaav me bhaajpa sa
Tum le gyi saare vote priye

Mai karele ka kadwa sa ras
Tum shakkar ki mithaas priye

Mai do by do ka kamra hoon
Tum ho deewan-e-khaas priye..

Tum Enrique ka madhur sa gaana
Mai altaaf raja ki ghazal priye

Tum cornflakes ki deewani ho
Mai kaale chane ki fasal priye

Tum lgti ho  iOS wali
Mai symbian ka phone priye

Tum 3G 4G LTE
Mai no network ka zone priye

Tum delhi metro ka pehla coach
Mai dadar local ka dabba priye

Tum ho pasta ka white sauce..
Mai aavle ka murabba priye

Har jagah dekha har jagah dhundha
Na tumsa koi haseen priye

Tum sab sach maan kar hasne wali
Mai jhut bolne ki machine priye...

10 New Year resolutions you should (not) consider for 2015

Nothing is perfect. Even the most prestigious dictionaries. Don't believe? See the word resolution in them. The Oxford Dictionary says- Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.
Good Goddddd.. You've been fooled in two ways:

First, the decision is not firm, and
Second, notice carefully  the 'to do or not to do' part. We do what we take a 'firm decision' to not to do, and we don't do what we decide to do. So cleverly written by the dictionary people.

Yes, I'm talking about new year's resolution, a goal that you propose then forget the next day.
Here are some suggestions you can follow for the upcoming new year's resolution. But before that, for clarification purpose, keep this in mind :-

For who love me so much that they take me literally

So here are some not so out of the blue ideas you should consider as resolutions and deny them in a matter of days:

1. I will tag 125 odd people in my Facebook pics: Yes, People should know that I've uploaded a DP.. Right? It is important for current affairs and might be asked in exams. So better to spread social awareness. And why 125, one should tag them all.. Right? I will also send Candy Crush requests to people to know I'm a master gamer and in return people will acknowledge my concern for them by seeing my lovely candy crush requests on their notifications.

2. I will spread more and more litter in public places: Why not? Litter is awesome, litter creates life in form of mosquitoes. Litter smells fantastic as well. It shows our creativity, reflects our choices- it makes people know that you love what flavor of chips. Even tourists appreciate the paan- stains on the wall of shame which quotes- Yahaan Thookna Mana Hai, it shows how daring we people are. See.. How proud TajMahal feels beside this Heavenly sight of litter:

Waah Taj

3. I will not pay my taxes to the government: Oh yes, and apart from that, why categorize money as black or white money? Why become racists? You should love black money and keep it hidden from the real world.

4. I will put every shit I do, on Facebook: This shouldn't be in this list actually, cuz people already put every shit on Facebook. What they're feeling, Which place they're in, or for God's sake their relationship has become complicated 5th time since inception. Its alright until they don't take the word shit literally. That would be weird though.

5. I will watch movies like Happy New Year and shows like Bigg Boss: Why watch inception, the movie doesn't have dance sequences and awesome songs like 'India Waale'. There are not even background dancers, WTF!!! Still the movie went for Oscars. And bigg boss? Who wouldn't love the show, it truly reflects how we fight, or how we throw things on each other in our homes daily. Right?

6. I will judge people on regions and looks: Yes, I'll call an east Indian a Chinese, I'll call Chhattisgarhi people as tribals, Shows my GK you know. Ignorance is bliss :D

7. I will blindly follow fake babas: Eating a samosa with various options of chutney ain't a bad option. Eh? What do they demand in return? JUST some small amount of money, so small that its counted in thousands, which you earn by working your asses off.

Of-course Fake Babas

8. I will skip the traffic lights: Yes, words of wisdom. Why stop for 30 odd seconds, time wasted is time lost you know, and we people are badass enough to skip the red light, also there aren't cops in India who will follow you entire way for that.

9. I will still try not to be aware of who I am: This is tricky. We're so busy in putting our noses in other's business that we hardly have any time to evaluate ourselves. Why waste time to evaluate ourselves? After all, not knowing self helps in saying these wonderful and full of curiousity qoutes like: Tu jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?

Dude. Its Shehenshah. Rishtey me to... ...

10. I will follow all the above rules: Yes, why not.. (Lol. Don't)



May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions. And also, I didn't mean it, so,

Keep Visiting..
You'll get the love of your life.. Just Kidding, you won't.. But still +1, Like and Share :D

Bhonda is the new Fugly

It doesn't matter how I collect ideas which create a Kumbh Mela in mind and persuade me to create a new post, or how I lay on my bed and elevate my legs to 60 degrees and then use laptop on them, if it doesn't bring a smile on someone's face. So here is another attempt to do so.

So I heard this word BHONDA two years ago from my friend. While it seemed very catchy, but on the other side of the coin, it also sounded like a slang. Well its not. 

The meaning of this word is as easy as to explain the meaning of Jalebi to an American. Many do research works in their area of interest in last year of the college. I did research on this word. Its equivalent of  FUGLY, from the song itself. Keep the tune in mind while reading.

Here is what I found :) Take some time and enjoy.. 

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Tooti footi angrezi

Reply karne me lazy

Jaate khulle me shauchalay

Aur swacchta ke liye crazy

Sadko pe gehre gaddhay

Exam ke din me birthday

Chahe rakhi ka swayavwar

Ya train me likhna number 

Hum saari baatein jaane

Fir bhi hum baat na maane

Khud hi bante anjaane puche

BHONDA BHONDA kya hai

Toothpaste me namak mirchi

Ya naap bigaade darzi

Spam link ho ya pop up

Ya ho delta toolbar k marzi

Ladki ki farzi id

Dinbhar sony pe cid;

Teacher ki class me tarr tarr

All-out na maare macchar

Lambe lambe assignmment

Khaa gaye baki enjoyment

Saari raat banao fir bhi

Saali milti disappointment

Hum saari baatein jaane

Fir bhi hum baat na maane

Khud hi bante anjaane puche

BHONDA BHONDA kya hai

Thanks :)

Keep Visiting.. Subscribe n Share else you're also bhonda :p

Funny FB and Twitter reactions to Rohit Sharma's 264 :)

Indeed. Brace Yourselves.. Because Rohit Sharma had a full dose of maggi before he came to bat and ended up scoring 264 of 173 balls. What a talent..

Speaking of talent, Indians are no exception. Yes.. Twitter and Facebook flooded with intelligent posts. Listed below are some funny reactions of people about the innings.. A blend of Facebook, Twitter, हिन्दी and English. So as the pic says, Rohit Sharma posts are coming..

Laugh n Share :)

From political angle:

• रोहित शर्मा को 200 से आगे रन बनाते देख राहुल गाँधी ने निराश होकर सोनिया गांधी से कहा: मम्मी लगता है ये भी मोदी की तरह 272+ के पार चला जाएगा !!!!
• रोहित शर्मा की पारी पर केजरी सर का कहना है कि भारत अतिथि देवो भव की परंपरा को भूलता जा रहा है, क्या यहीं हैं अच्छे दिन..मोदी जी जवाब दें 
• थिसारा परेरा जिन्होंने 4 रन पर रोहित का कैच छोड़ा था उन्हें श्रीलंका वालों ने लिट्टे आतंकवादी घोषित करके गोली मारने का आदेश दिया है
• इस बीच केंद्र सरकार ने ये कहते हुए रोहित शर्मा की पारी की जांच एनआईए को सौंप दी है कि कोलकात्ता में एक और 'धमाका' हुआ है।
• "रोहित शर्मा की पारी, 'आप' की पहली लिस्ट से ध्यान हटाने की साजिश है...सब मिले हुए हैं।" - क्रेजी(केजरी) बाबा.. 

From crazy angle.. The awesome ones:

• बहुत कम लोग जानते हैं कि जब थिसारा परेरा से पूछा गया था कि मौत चाहिए या झींगालाला.. तब उन्होंने झींगालाला चुना था 
• ये श्री लंका की सोची समझी चाल है...ताकि वर्ल्ड कप में इंडिया रोहित शर्मा को प्लेइंग इलेवन में रख ले 
• रोहित शर्मा की तारीफ में कपिल देव इतना भावुक हो रहे हैं मुझे शक है वो उन्हें भगवान विष्णु का अवतार न बता दें।
• अगर लंकन खिलाड़ियों को पता होता कि उनका ये हश्र होने वाला है तो उनके खिलाड़ी अपनी जेब से वेस्टइंडीज़ खिलाड़ियों की सैलरी दे देते।
• रोहित शर्मा की इस पारी के सम्मान में हम सभी को उसके सम्मान में बनाए दो-दो जोक वापिस ले लेने चाहिए।
• 14 गेंद में 14 रन ....धीमी बल्लेबाज़ी के लिए उथप्पा की 50 % मैच फीस काट लेनी चाहिए।
• वक्त आ गया कि नाटो सेनाएं हस्तक्षेप कर रोहित शर्मा को शांत करवाए।
• विराट का घर टूटने से बचा लिया, रोहित का करियर बचा लिया....हम लंकन टीम का अहसान कभी नहीं उतार सकते।
• Lord Ram's performance is still the best ever individual performance by an Indian against Sri Lanka. #RohitSharma #Sorry
• BCCI announce the #wc15 squad. #RohitSharma akela hi ja rha hai BC. #IndvsSL
• One record #RohitSharma missed out on by one delivery, was Sunil Gavaskar's record for most balls faced. Gavaskar had made 36 not out.
• Breaking: Jadoo wondering if he gave super power to Rohit Sharma or Rohit Mehra
• The way cricket is being played, one day someone is going to break @BrianLara's test record in odi..
• #RohitSharma has a hearing problem. Captain said- Bhai 100 maar ke ana, he heard, Dhai 100 maar ke aana
• Of all countries playing cricket on a field..only Rohit Sharma plays it like on a video game
• Anushka's dad : dekh lo beta, love marriage me kya rakha hai, rohit apni community ka bhi hai, aur talented bhi hai.
• Rohit Sharma is now qualified to come on Comedy Nights with Kapil. #IndvsSL
• Who is Rohit Sharma? - Maria Sharapova

          ^WTF

Now, people from NITrr aren't behind either.. A few good ones from us:

• Harshit Rai: इस बीच लंकाई राष्ट्रपति का कहना है कि हम तुम्हारे मछुआरे छोड़ देंगे, तुम हमारे खिलाड़ी छोड़ दो।
• Siddharth Roy: From Maggi lord to a double double-centurian...... Rohit Sharma.. "Aakhir khata kya hai.... "
• Vishwanath Kaimal: Faking News: Rohit Shama scores more than Pakistan's entire GDP
• Kunal Swami: India 404 SriLanka- Target not found!

The Tale of Pakistani Flag and Whatsapp DP

"A lot of people will not agree with me on this"

So this happened yesterday only, someone messaged me on whatsapp, with a beautiful suggestion, to put your whatsapp profile picture as Indian Flag. I liked the idea and downloaded a picture of Indian flag. Just when I was about to update the same, another message popped, with the same content. This happened a few times again.

Every active contact in my list started putting the same DP. Its actually awesome to see, if you ask me.

So, I had a question, is this true patriotism, or just another instance where the crowd starts following a chain message, like all other times (send this message to 11 people else this and that will happen/ send this message to all, its from whatsapp founder and other stuff). "The answer I got was pretty disappointing"

How did I find this answer is a bit funny story, I just thought of updating my DP as some random flag, but for some obvious reason, I chose Pakistani Flag. 

The people who saw it, messaged me, (though light heartedly), like-

"Pakistan ke Flag ki DP kyu lagaya hai"

"Porkistani"

"Pakistan ka pyara"

"Ye kya profile pic lagaya be"

"10 gaali bhi kam hai"

"Change DP please"

And the list goes on..

Some of them were the ones who didn't update their own DPs as Indian Flag. What an irony. How was I different from them, just because I used our rival country's flag. Though I am not fond of Pakistan's Flag, but I used it to see the reactions of people. If they really wanted everyone with Indian flag as DP, they should have also objected when I put my own picture as DP, Cuz "Tab bhi to maine Tirange ki photo nahi lagayi thi", tab bhi to baat ek hi thi. Even if I had used Japanese Flag, nobody would've said anything. Cuz focus kabhi India pe tha hi nahi janaab aapka, Focus kahaan tha?
.
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-DP badalne me tha.
FEEL THE DIFFERENCE.

Anyways, below is the reason for writing this post-

NOBODY SAID THIS-

"Abe India ke Flag ki DP kyu nahi lagaaya"

FEEL THE DIFFERENCE

Dil se Indian baniye, 'DP' se banna zaruri nahi.

Happy Independence Day in advance. I Love India.

P.S. : Read this wonderful article by Mr. Vishal Gupta
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10203566926027200&id=1036577796&refid=17&_ft_
Because he feels the difference.

10 Types of people you have in your class

It doesn't matter whether you are an engineering student, a commerce student or a medical one,
You will always find the following people in your class..

1. The Nerd
Their web search history be like:
-Download Youtube Videos CLRS E-Book
-Funny Jokes  Commands in Linux
-Hummingbird Video  Algorithm

They have a very nice way to greet people, and specially the teachers. And will be the among the most polite people you will encounter.

2. The Social Animal
They enter the college with a dream in their eyes. The dream only few can carry. The dream for which one has to struggle a lot in the first year. The dream which is viewed with open eyes. This dream does not let them sleep.
Just kidding, they just want to become a committee member and are sleepless because they have to design event posters as directed by the seniors :D
One out of N becomes "Icon" for the juniors. Each year has one. You will find girls of every year and each branch in their Facebook friend-list.

3. The Observers
Their objective is to observe the above category, and criticize them. They are actually capable of doing something better, but apparently they couldn't find a Jack at the time committees were formed, 'Jugaad' to be precise.


4. The BBB "Bade Baap ka Beta"
As people call them. They carry iPhone with them, but  they don't use it for other purposes than what we normal people do with their phones. They will come to college in the most expensive bikes or cars available, driving very fast, risking their lives.
No offence but I am an up downer and I travel in train, worth crores, and it is safe, and while travelling I can also transfer files to my  friends via BLUETOOTH, you can't  :D (pun intended)

5. The Athlete
They bring laurels to.. (whom are we kidding) just themselves. Its a shame India does not encourage other sports than cricket. These guys and girls should be encouraged to go further.

6. The Boy Next Door
A teenage male, very wholesome and unassuming, and maintains an innocence about him. Very sincere, sometimes shy, sometimes confident and rarely arrogant. A sweet boy, someone who girls are proud to bring home to their parents because of his charm, demeanor and sincerity. Very innocent when it comes to romance, almost always single.
-As the Urban dictionary says.

7. The Entrepreneur
"I want to fly like a kite, just not in other's hands"
They open a start-up nearly by the end of third year.

8. The Shanaya
Yeh chand sa roshan chehra, Zulfo ka rang sunehra
Yeh jheel si neeli aankhein, Koi raaz hai inme gehra
Tareef karu kya uski, Jisne tujhe banaya
Shanaya, Shanaya Shanaya..
Aeee.. Ooooo Shanaya Shanaya

Couldn't find anything better to describe all the Shanaya's. ( Each class has only one, decide among yourselves :D )

9. The Guitarist
He is the guy to whom girls come running and say- Please 'Pani Da Rang' baja na.
And to whom boys come running and say- 'DK Bose' wala baja be.

10. You

Yep! The most important person you will find in college is yourself! Celebrate who you are; don't be ashamed of yourself! These are going to be the best years of your life. And if you cannot be yourself, who else will you be?