GALAT

I'm back with another shitty post on this shitty blog. Now as usual, the first paragraph will be full of intense self loathing. :D I started this for monetary purposes. But google was like.. Bro.. Write some similar content so that we can place ads. I said.. Back off Google.. I'll write random stuff. From then Me and google have some fierce rivalry between us. So what if google doesn't support ads here, My Mom still Loves me. :P

So whenever I get bored of humans and stuff I open this page and start writing random things.  So as usual I lay on my bed and elevate my legs to 60 degrees, and then put laptop on them, and it will be of no use if what I write doesn't bring a smile on reader's face. So after the grand success of 'What's wrong' in the posts Bhonda and Fugly, with both of the posts having 2 and 3 hits each (:p) , presenting the third one, "GALAT"

Shhoba bole players ko selfie ki padi hai
Sakshi aur Sindhu medal le ke khadi hai
Dipa ne bhi sabko deewana banaya
Shobha Ji ki GALATfehmi kitni badi hai

Idhar neta movie review de raha hai
Udhar Twitter jamke maze le raha hai
Wifi wala waada to khud naa nibhaya
Aur saste 4G ko GALAT keh raha hai

Patthar fekte ho Sena pe humaari
Kaha se hai pakdi ye GALAT beemari
Topo aur goliyo se bhi na dare jo
Tera patthar unpe padega na bhari

Footpath pe bhai ne chala di car
Kaale hiran ka bhi kiya shikaar
Fir bhi khula ghoome super-star
Wah kanoon kya GALAT kiya yaar

46  ke Pappu ko Yuva Soch Rahe hain..
Yuva leader ke liye bal noch rahe hain
Aur jinki hai umar ye karne ki Ghalib..
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Wo yuva humare Pokemon khoj rahe hain..


That's all folks :D

Don't bother to +1/Like/Share.. Google ain't giving me any money :P. Just kidding.. Do it.

Priye!!

Its been a while since I have posted something, and its been too long since someone even opened the blog :D
Anyways, when you get bored in the train and there are annoying kids around, all you can do is plug the earphones in, and ignore the world. But what if the annoying kids shout very much and even take your earphones?

I went to the upper berth and thought of a random stuff and wrote something. Sharing the same with you.. Please ignore this one as well like the others. Don't even bother to +1 or like, you don't, anyways.. :D

Priye..

Mai kora kaagaz dustbin ka
Tum samsung galaxy ka note priye

Mai bihar chunaav me bhaajpa sa
Tum le gyi saare vote priye

Mai karele ka kadwa sa ras
Tum shakkar ki mithaas priye

Mai do by do ka kamra hoon
Tum ho deewan-e-khaas priye..

Tum Enrique ka madhur sa gaana
Mai altaaf raja ki ghazal priye

Tum cornflakes ki deewani ho
Mai kaale chane ki fasal priye

Tum lgti ho  iOS wali
Mai symbian ka phone priye

Tum 3G 4G LTE
Mai no network ka zone priye

Tum delhi metro ka pehla coach
Mai dadar local ka dabba priye

Tum ho pasta ka white sauce..
Mai aavle ka murabba priye

Har jagah dekha har jagah dhundha
Na tumsa koi haseen priye

Tum sab sach maan kar hasne wali
Mai jhut bolne ki machine priye...

10 New Year resolutions you should (not) consider for 2015

Nothing is perfect. Even the most prestigious dictionaries. Don't believe? See the word resolution in them. The Oxford Dictionary says- Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.
Good Goddddd.. You've been fooled in two ways:

First, the decision is not firm, and
Second, notice carefully  the 'to do or not to do' part. We do what we take a 'firm decision' to not to do, and we don't do what we decide to do. So cleverly written by the dictionary people.

Yes, I'm talking about new year's resolution, a goal that you propose then forget the next day.
Here are some suggestions you can follow for the upcoming new year's resolution. But before that, for clarification purpose, keep this in mind :-

For who love me so much that they take me literally

So here are some not so out of the blue ideas you should consider as resolutions and deny them in a matter of days:

1. I will tag 125 odd people in my Facebook pics: Yes, People should know that I've uploaded a DP.. Right? It is important for current affairs and might be asked in exams. So better to spread social awareness. And why 125, one should tag them all.. Right? I will also send Candy Crush requests to people to know I'm a master gamer and in return people will acknowledge my concern for them by seeing my lovely candy crush requests on their notifications.

2. I will spread more and more litter in public places: Why not? Litter is awesome, litter creates life in form of mosquitoes. Litter smells fantastic as well. It shows our creativity, reflects our choices- it makes people know that you love what flavor of chips. Even tourists appreciate the paan- stains on the wall of shame which quotes- Yahaan Thookna Mana Hai, it shows how daring we people are. See.. How proud TajMahal feels beside this Heavenly sight of litter:

Waah Taj

3. I will not pay my taxes to the government: Oh yes, and apart from that, why categorize money as black or white money? Why become racists? You should love black money and keep it hidden from the real world.

4. I will put every shit I do, on Facebook: This shouldn't be in this list actually, cuz people already put every shit on Facebook. What they're feeling, Which place they're in, or for God's sake their relationship has become complicated 5th time since inception. Its alright until they don't take the word shit literally. That would be weird though.

5. I will watch movies like Happy New Year and shows like Bigg Boss: Why watch inception, the movie doesn't have dance sequences and awesome songs like 'India Waale'. There are not even background dancers, WTF!!! Still the movie went for Oscars. And bigg boss? Who wouldn't love the show, it truly reflects how we fight, or how we throw things on each other in our homes daily. Right?

6. I will judge people on regions and looks: Yes, I'll call an east Indian a Chinese, I'll call Chhattisgarhi people as tribals, Shows my GK you know. Ignorance is bliss :D

7. I will blindly follow fake babas: Eating a samosa with various options of chutney ain't a bad option. Eh? What do they demand in return? JUST some small amount of money, so small that its counted in thousands, which you earn by working your asses off.

Of-course Fake Babas

8. I will skip the traffic lights: Yes, words of wisdom. Why stop for 30 odd seconds, time wasted is time lost you know, and we people are badass enough to skip the red light, also there aren't cops in India who will follow you entire way for that.

9. I will still try not to be aware of who I am: This is tricky. We're so busy in putting our noses in other's business that we hardly have any time to evaluate ourselves. Why waste time to evaluate ourselves? After all, not knowing self helps in saying these wonderful and full of curiousity qoutes like: Tu jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?

Dude. Its Shehenshah. Rishtey me to... ...

10. I will follow all the above rules: Yes, why not.. (Lol. Don't)



May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions. And also, I didn't mean it, so,

Keep Visiting..
You'll get the love of your life.. Just Kidding, you won't.. But still +1, Like and Share :D

Bhonda is the new Fugly

It doesn't matter how I collect ideas which create a Kumbh Mela in mind and persuade me to create a new post, or how I lay on my bed and elevate my legs to 60 degrees and then use laptop on them, if it doesn't bring a smile on someone's face. So here is another attempt to do so.

So I heard this word BHONDA two years ago from my friend. While it seemed very catchy, but on the other side of the coin, it also sounded like a slang. Well its not. 

The meaning of this word is as easy as to explain the meaning of Jalebi to an American. Many do research works in their area of interest in last year of the college. I did research on this word. Its equivalent of  FUGLY, from the song itself. Keep the tune in mind while reading.

Here is what I found :) Take some time and enjoy.. 

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Ye bhonda bhonda kya hai

Tooti footi angrezi

Reply karne me lazy

Jaate khulle me shauchalay

Aur swacchta ke liye crazy

Sadko pe gehre gaddhay

Exam ke din me birthday

Chahe rakhi ka swayavwar

Ya train me likhna number 

Hum saari baatein jaane

Fir bhi hum baat na maane

Khud hi bante anjaane puche

BHONDA BHONDA kya hai

Toothpaste me namak mirchi

Ya naap bigaade darzi

Spam link ho ya pop up

Ya ho delta toolbar k marzi

Ladki ki farzi id

Dinbhar sony pe cid;

Teacher ki class me tarr tarr

All-out na maare macchar

Lambe lambe assignmment

Khaa gaye baki enjoyment

Saari raat banao fir bhi

Saali milti disappointment

Hum saari baatein jaane

Fir bhi hum baat na maane

Khud hi bante anjaane puche

BHONDA BHONDA kya hai

Thanks :)

Keep Visiting.. Subscribe n Share else you're also bhonda :p

Funny FB and Twitter reactions to Rohit Sharma's 264 :)

Indeed. Brace Yourselves.. Because Rohit Sharma had a full dose of maggi before he came to bat and ended up scoring 264 of 173 balls. What a talent..

Speaking of talent, Indians are no exception. Yes.. Twitter and Facebook flooded with intelligent posts. Listed below are some funny reactions of people about the innings.. A blend of Facebook, Twitter, हिन्दी and English. So as the pic says, Rohit Sharma posts are coming..

Laugh n Share :)

From political angle:

• रोहित शर्मा को 200 से आगे रन बनाते देख राहुल गाँधी ने निराश होकर सोनिया गांधी से कहा: मम्मी लगता है ये भी मोदी की तरह 272+ के पार चला जाएगा !!!!
• रोहित शर्मा की पारी पर केजरी सर का कहना है कि भारत अतिथि देवो भव की परंपरा को भूलता जा रहा है, क्या यहीं हैं अच्छे दिन..मोदी जी जवाब दें 
• थिसारा परेरा जिन्होंने 4 रन पर रोहित का कैच छोड़ा था उन्हें श्रीलंका वालों ने लिट्टे आतंकवादी घोषित करके गोली मारने का आदेश दिया है
• इस बीच केंद्र सरकार ने ये कहते हुए रोहित शर्मा की पारी की जांच एनआईए को सौंप दी है कि कोलकात्ता में एक और 'धमाका' हुआ है।
• "रोहित शर्मा की पारी, 'आप' की पहली लिस्ट से ध्यान हटाने की साजिश है...सब मिले हुए हैं।" - क्रेजी(केजरी) बाबा.. 

From crazy angle.. The awesome ones:

• बहुत कम लोग जानते हैं कि जब थिसारा परेरा से पूछा गया था कि मौत चाहिए या झींगालाला.. तब उन्होंने झींगालाला चुना था 
• ये श्री लंका की सोची समझी चाल है...ताकि वर्ल्ड कप में इंडिया रोहित शर्मा को प्लेइंग इलेवन में रख ले 
• रोहित शर्मा की तारीफ में कपिल देव इतना भावुक हो रहे हैं मुझे शक है वो उन्हें भगवान विष्णु का अवतार न बता दें।
• अगर लंकन खिलाड़ियों को पता होता कि उनका ये हश्र होने वाला है तो उनके खिलाड़ी अपनी जेब से वेस्टइंडीज़ खिलाड़ियों की सैलरी दे देते।
• रोहित शर्मा की इस पारी के सम्मान में हम सभी को उसके सम्मान में बनाए दो-दो जोक वापिस ले लेने चाहिए।
• 14 गेंद में 14 रन ....धीमी बल्लेबाज़ी के लिए उथप्पा की 50 % मैच फीस काट लेनी चाहिए।
• वक्त आ गया कि नाटो सेनाएं हस्तक्षेप कर रोहित शर्मा को शांत करवाए।
• विराट का घर टूटने से बचा लिया, रोहित का करियर बचा लिया....हम लंकन टीम का अहसान कभी नहीं उतार सकते।
• Lord Ram's performance is still the best ever individual performance by an Indian against Sri Lanka. #RohitSharma #Sorry
• BCCI announce the #wc15 squad. #RohitSharma akela hi ja rha hai BC. #IndvsSL
• One record #RohitSharma missed out on by one delivery, was Sunil Gavaskar's record for most balls faced. Gavaskar had made 36 not out.
• Breaking: Jadoo wondering if he gave super power to Rohit Sharma or Rohit Mehra
• The way cricket is being played, one day someone is going to break @BrianLara's test record in odi..
• #RohitSharma has a hearing problem. Captain said- Bhai 100 maar ke ana, he heard, Dhai 100 maar ke aana
• Of all countries playing cricket on a field..only Rohit Sharma plays it like on a video game
• Anushka's dad : dekh lo beta, love marriage me kya rakha hai, rohit apni community ka bhi hai, aur talented bhi hai.
• Rohit Sharma is now qualified to come on Comedy Nights with Kapil. #IndvsSL
• Who is Rohit Sharma? - Maria Sharapova

          ^WTF

Now, people from NITrr aren't behind either.. A few good ones from us:

• Harshit Rai: इस बीच लंकाई राष्ट्रपति का कहना है कि हम तुम्हारे मछुआरे छोड़ देंगे, तुम हमारे खिलाड़ी छोड़ दो।
• Siddharth Roy: From Maggi lord to a double double-centurian...... Rohit Sharma.. "Aakhir khata kya hai.... "
• Vishwanath Kaimal: Faking News: Rohit Shama scores more than Pakistan's entire GDP
• Kunal Swami: India 404 SriLanka- Target not found!

My Idea of Swacch Bharat

"NaMo picked Jhaadu, Kejriwal must be so happy" :p

One year completed!! Clean India campaign was launched on 2nd Oct, 2014, 145th birth anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi to create a clean India of his dreams by 2019. Within a day after coming back to India from his highly successful US visit, Prime Minister Narendra Modi (having jetlag) welded the broom and launched the biggest ever cleanliness and sanitation drive called 'Swachh Bharat Abhiyan' in the country, focussing on the fact that maintaining cleanliness is not only the job of the sweepers and cleaners, but its also the duty of an Indian citizen.

Now, what do you need to do, to maintain cleanliness? What comes to your mind when you think of cleanliness? Does cleanliness really mean picking the rags off the roads?
What about cleaning the country from the main filth and litters that have been causing diseases to the country?

Filth like corruption, communalism and terrorism often are talked about for a few days and then ignored. Shouldn't these be cleaned as well?

Let us deviate a bit from the real event and see what can we take from the idea of Swacch Bharat.

Cleanliness from sick minds-
"Oh Shit! Its a girl!!! We should kill her before she's born! Or we'd leave her after her birth! Else she'd be a pain in the pocket!!"
"Beti ke padhai pe kon kharcha kare!!"
"I'd have to give dowry"
These sick minds need to be cleaned at first. Need not explain the importance of a girl in the society. Its already known and proved. Just I wish there was a broom to clean such people.


Cleanliness from terrorism-
People beheading other people in the name of teachings taught by their religion. This makes as much sense as cutting trees for the protection of environment. Who can establish peace by a Goddamn bomb blast.. The small terrorist groups sponsered by foreign agencies must be cleaned and we're safe and healthy from the diseases caused by this trash.

Cleanliness from corruption-
"Dust Love is in the air"
Dust kills a man slowly, similarly corruption is killing the country. Swacch the Swiss-Bank accounts of the corrupt politicians and we're good to go.
Ironically, these politicians clean India (Saara maal apni jeb mein).

Cleanliness from communalism-
India is a secular country. Still many political parties play communal politics. Some give hate speeches, while some want India to be a single-religion country. Some beat people from other states as well.
Irony is that, while doing election campaigns, they demand and propose a secular state, and have a religion's name in their party's name. Great!!

Other issues like poverty, unemployment, farmer suicides and debt bondage should be addressed.

So what does My Idea of Swacch Bharat include-

• Get rid of all the religious/communal/bigotry filth inside your brain !!!
• People stop pouring milk on idols , that is drained off in sewer line.
• Gifting harpic to the people who pee on the walls.
• Clean the narrow minds of people and celebrate. Swacch Minds
• Green India => Clean India
• When opposition parties leave their ego & do their part in development of the country.
• Clean up the Swiss bank accounts of all Indian politicians.
• Clean all the Justin Beiber songs from your mobile. (Pun :D )

So don't just clear your browser history for the sake of cleaning something. :)
Happy Cleaning, Not just for today.. Cuz we celebrate a trend for few days only..

Do watch this-

Now go BROOM  BROOOOM  BROOOOOOOOOMMM.... :)

Stochastic Theory - The Pregnant Deer Story

Ever found yourself in a situation where nothing goes your way?
All you can feel is how miserable your life has become. That "Loser Wali Feel" is one of the worst things one can experience in life. Your situation is like what the pregnant deer is facing right now- STUCK!!
Just have a look.

Many of you would have read this before.. Its a very famous story.. But still, if not, then before you proceed, try to think what happens to the deer.

Will everything be burnt by the forest fire...?
Can the deer go left..? No, the hunter's arrow is pointing at her.
Can she go right...? No, the hungry male lion is approaching her.
Can she move up..? No, there the forest is on fire.
Can she move down..? No, that is where the fierce river is.

Honestly, in similar situations in life, I tend to lose hope, and start panicking. I forget to 'chill' as one would advice. Ah.. A bad habit of mine. After reading the explanation to this theory, I was awestruck!! I realized that problems in the mind are smaller than they appear..

See what happens to the deer..

In a spur of MOMENT, a lightning strikes and blinds the eyes of the hunter...!
At that MOMENT, he releases the arrow missing and zipping past the deer...!
At that MOMENT, the arrow hits and injures the lion badly...!
At that MOMENT, it starts to rain heavily and puts out the forest fire...!
At that next MOMENT, the deer gives birth to a healthy fawn...!

LOL!! The deer didn't die, instead one new deer was added to the world :D

Call that crazy, but the point is, THERE WAS A WAY OUT!!!

I too had a similar situation..(Wasn't pregnant of-course :D ). I was surrounded by the same amount of tension as the deer.  Demotivated, frustrated, irritated, everything at the same time. The clouds were darker cuz I wasn't selected for the second round of one of the good companies that day. Fire was fierce cuz "Jal Gayi Thi". Behind me was my inner competitive person pointing arrow towards me, and ahead of me was INFOEDGE!!
And the arrow striked INFOEDGE!! I cracked it..
Thanks to someone's formula- Repeat 'BHAD ME JAA' in your mind.

In our life too, there are MOMENTS of CHOICE when we all have to deal with negative thoughts from all sides. Some thoughts are so powerful they overcome us and make us clueless.

Anything can happen in a MOMENT in this life. If you are religious, superstitious, atheist, agnostic or whatever, you can attribute this MOMENT to divine intervention, faith, sudden luck, serendipity, coincidence, karma, or a simple 'BHAAD ME JAA'...!!!